Wednesday, January 17, 2018

She Wanted A Gentleman, Not Enthusiastic Consent

For a variety of reasons, FLG found the Aziz Ansari story fascinating.  Here's the original article and long story short for those of you who have been living on Mars, a young photographer from Brooklyn flirted with Ansari multiple times, clearly trying to get his attention, after the Emmys.    After they both returned to New York, they had a date.   Ansari rushed through dinner, and they both went to his place.   Graphic details about sexual acts, some of which she agreed to reluctantly, some of which she said no to, occurred.   Whenever she said, no, he stopped.  Although, he'd try again shortly after.   Eventually, he called her an Uber, and she went home.

Caitlin Flanagan, who only a few months ago said #MeToo wasn't a Witch Hunt, wrote, in response to the Ansari story:
Apparently there is a whole country full of young women who don’t know how to call a cab, and who have spent a lot of time picking out pretty outfits for dates they hoped would be nights to remember. They’re angry and temporarily powerful, and last night they destroyed a man who didn’t deserve it.
The younger, feminist Left is having none of it.   It's still the patriarchy.  Here's a piece from VOX:
Creating a culture in which fewer people experience what Grace describes will require better sex ed, that teaches more than just consent, challenges gender roles, and encourages people to put their desires and those of their partners above social expectations. 

Ok, FLG is an old white man at this point, but the thought process that leads to this is nonsense, which makes this conclusion nonsense.   Here is just one of the ridiculous contentions:

The idea that men have more sexual desire than women still goes unchallenged

Look, FLG will concede that societal norms in many societies, particularly Western society, have downplayed and suppressed female desire, but anybody who can't recognize that the male sex drive is far stronger than the female sex drive is either blind or willfully ignorant.   Even in committed, happy relationships, the woman will not always want to have sex, which is almost by definition less than the man.

Here's what else FLG find interesting, the young feminists are also starting to sound like Victorian moralizers.  Again, from the VOX article:
It means asking men to recognize that and do better, and it means changing the culture so that badgering and pressuring women into sex is deplored, not endorsed.

And here's Jessica Valenti, almost the prototypical young feminist:
A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers "normal" sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful. 

But, if you read the article, you see that the woman, Grace, isn't just upset about the sexual consent aspect.  Here's the description of the date before even getting to back to the apartment:
After arriving at his apartment in Manhattan on Monday evening, they exchanged small talk and drank wine. “It was white,” she said. “I didn’t get to choose and I prefer red, but it was white wine.” Then Ansari walked her to Grand Banks, an Oyster bar onboard a historic wooden schooner on the Hudson River just a few blocks away.
She said it was a beautiful, warm September night. They discussed NYU, comedy and a new, secret project he was working on, but she says she did most of the talking.
Grace says she sensed Ansari was eager for them to leave. “When the waiter came over he quickly asked for the check and he said like, ‘Let’s get off this boat.’” She recalls there was still wine in her glass and more left in the bottle he ordered. The abruptness surprised her. “Like, he got the check and then it was bada-boom, bada-bing, we’re out of there.”

What FLG reads, even before getting back to the apartment, Grace is disappointed by his manners and behavior, far away from the actual consent to sex.  Grace wanted Ansari to be a gentleman. Imagine that!  The graphic description of the sex acts, does read, Caitlin Flanigan described it, revenge porn, because it makes him seems so ungentlemanly.   

FLG doesn't know if feminism killed gentlemanliness, but calling masculinity toxic sure didn't and doesn't help.   Arguing for enthusiastic, affirmative consent, as most young feminists seem to be doing now, would do nothing to create a new generation of Cary Grants.

1 comment:

The Maximum Leader said...

I thought much the same when I read the piece.

Ah well... I'm feeling older and more out of place with each passing day.

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