Monday, June 9, 2014

A Not So Quick Round Up

A Conversation

FLG was on the metro.  Two women in their early-to-mid 20s were having a conversation.

Woman #1:  I was going to get him a flask with his birthday engraved in it.  But then I thought his initials.

Woman #2:  Didn't you say were going to get him something else?  I forget what, but not that.

Woman #1:  Yeah, I saw a great leather jacket, but it was too expensive.

Woman #3, a lady in her 70s or 80s leans over.

Woman #3:  Let me give you a piece of advice an old lady, probably younger than I am now, gave me back in nineteen-fifty-five.  If you want to give him a personal and thoughtful gift...

Woman #1 interrupts:  Exactly.

Woman #3 smirks:  I thought so, then give him a blowjob.

Every guy in earshot's head turned.  

Woman #3 continued:  I don't care if you give him one everyday.  You tell him his birthday gift is a blowjob, then he'll be happy.  If he wants a jacket or a flask, he can buy it his damn self, but I haven't met a fella yet who can give himself a blowjob.

Every guy in earshot's head nodded.

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Questions from your Maximum Leader:

1) What food do you most resemble - physically?

Dunno.  A slice of pizza?

2) Assume that everyone has an ability that they could call their “superpower” what would yours be?

Does having the Force count?  If not, then telekinesis.

3) What is the earliest memory you have?

Wrote about that already.

4) A good day would be…

Any day FLG spends with his wife, girls, a Tiki drink, and a Cohiba Robusto.

5) A bad day would be…

When a full train breaks down on the Metro during rush hour.

6) Cameras on every single portable electronic device. Blessing or bane?

Bane.

7) Favorite Pixar character? Why?

Definitely Crush the turtle.  Dude is chill and old.

8 ) Tell me about one deeply held belief of yours that has evolved or changed over time.

That religion is bullshit opium for the masses.  Definitely changed on that.

9) Your favorite word?

Tie between defenestrate and hagiography

10) If I met you at a dinner party, what would you NOT like me to ask you?

To touch your junk.

11) Tell me something I don’t know

FLG has never gotten busy in a Burger King bathroom.

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 FLG's intense dislike of fairness makes him want to buy this book:

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