Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Lord of the Rings

So, FLG was walking into the bathroom at Heathrow when he saw a condom machine. No big deal, a condom machine. They have them lots of places. But then FLG noticed that the machine didn't just have condoms, but also disposable, vibrating cockrings. Seriously, even FLG couldn't make this up.

Immediately, FLG began to wonder, who, exactly, decides, whilst in a bathroom at Heathrow, that he must have a disposable, vibrating cockring? What instigates this purchase?

Is there a guy somewhere who feels that some hot stewardess, however lukewarm to his request for her assistance in joining the mile-high club, will, upon seeing the disposable, vibrating cockring and the almost endless potential that it implies, happily submit to his advances? Does he already have a partner on the same flight, a wife, a girlfriend, a mistress, all ready-to-go but for whom merely having sex at 30,000 feet in a very small closet has lost its appeal and only battery-powered stimulation will rekindle a thrill?

But then FLG wondered who exactly feels the need to purchase even a condom at the airport? Somebody who wants to hit the ground fucking? As soon at they hit central London they are gonna score so fast that they don't have time to visit any number of establishments that sell condoms? Or vibrating cockrings for that matter?

How often do they have to refill these machines? FLG wondered. Is there a massive demand for safe sex products in airports? Does the ladies room have an equivalent machine? Does it sell sponges?


Anonymous said...

Is it possible to go belly-up (financially speaking of course) encouraging men’s fantasies?

George Pal

arethusa said...

It's probably British law that those things be sold in airports. Such is their decline.

I bet Larry Craig would buy them.

Zog Karndon said...

Really? I assumed it was for anonymous gay bathroom sex.

But perhaps I'm wrong.

FLG said...


I thought of that, but for some reason assumed vibration noise would make anonymous Heathrow bathroom sex too conspicuous.

FLG said...

You may be right though.

FLG said...

Probably right, actually.

Anonymous said...

Here's your market! http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/702788.stm

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.