Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Background Stories

As some of you may know, FLG makes up insane background stories for other anonymous bloggers and many of the regular readers here at Fear and Loathing in Georgetown.

Anyway, it occurred to him today that there are several readers for whom FLG can provide no reason for why they are readers. He offers no real insight and can only blog half-informed on a couple of topics. If you are not aligned with FLG ideologically, don't have an overwhelming interest in sex with inanimate objects or pirates, or don't know him personally, then FLG has a hard time figuring out why you read.

That's not to say that you ought to stop reading or that you ought not comment unless you agree with FLG. In fact, he often tries to highlight and engage with those who disagree with him. It just makes it more difficult to come up with a convincing, but entirely unrealistic backstory for you.


william randolph brafford said...

We're sort of ideologically aligned, I guess. Does that explain it for me?

I guess the bottom line is that I think you're pretty funny sometimes and I like that you call BS on people, which is something I seem to be constitutionally unable to do.

FLG said...

I always assumed that you read because of my impeccable taste in music.

william randolph brafford said...

See? Funny!

Um, I mean, yes, that is why I read.

George said...

I read FLG because he and his commenters give me the sense of being at a MENSA meeting whose last order of business is the matter of my membership - but there aren’t enough black balls to go around.

Renée Zellweger said...

Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "pirates".

C.S. Perry said...

I read FLG because I’ve always imagined him to be some dashing figure who is perpetually rushing out of a stylish haberdashery on his way to some secret enclave where other well-dressed sophisticates sit around and pontificate on matters of earth-shattering importance. You know, like the proper usage of the term Decimate or having sex with trees or the implications (and lack of Romance) of modern piracy. Or maybe even the strange ironies involved in sorting out economic theory while listening to Jimi Hendrix and sipping dirty martinis while they easily peruse the current offerings available on the White Slavery Market.
Then, after all of this genuinely harrowing activity, FLG drifts home where he sits on his veranda while getting fashionably drunk in the early evening as he types out his erstwhile thoughts for all his devoted readers who are eagerly awaiting his special brand of Wisdom. I imagine that he laments his decision not to pursue his innermost passions and all the sick perversions that haunt his dreams and cause him to whisper quiet curses into the pillow during his own Private Midnight. And all of this angst he takes out on his unwary readers and all the fine and innocent young people out there who are merely surfing the Web in the hope of finding kindred spirits, electronic pen pals, enlightened viewpoints and videos of rough-trade, leather fetish, midget bestiality.
And all the while, he hunches over the keyboard and dutifully hashes out this nonsense in white-knuckled desperation all in the secret and vain hope that somewhere…somehow…some sloe-eyed disreputable woman, or misguided teen-age girl, might just be bent enough to offer him some nooky based on the strength of his writing.
But I’d hate to project my deepest fears, failings and twisted desires on all the bloggers out there.
Then again, it seems a pretty safe bet in this case.

FLG said...

C.S Perry:

Turning of tables on the author is frowned upon here at Fear and Loathing in Georgetown.

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