Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Crystal Cooter

FLG has no idea what to make of the news that Jennifer Love Hewitt puts Swarovski crystals her nether-regions. He'd love to say he thinks it's "Hot!" But it's just odd. The logistics of engaging in the act when there are precision cut pieces of glass nearby are frightening.

5 comments:

The Maximum Leader said...

If it was just a bit of glitter or something I (maybe) could understand. But crystals are just too much.

Anonymous said...

You two have been married far too long. This is a modern interpretation by Love Hewitt of an old trick- the history of Swavorski from PP:


"The tradition of the bride wearing good luck charms on her wedding day originated during Victorian England. The bride wears all 5 tokens in hopes her marriage will be a happy one. The most English of English families, the Royal Family, had a wedding over the weekend. As everything with the Royal Family seems to be a family affair, this wedding was no different. The entire Windsor clan stepped in and help HRH Duchess of Cornwall, and wife of the heir to the throne, observe this delightful English custom.

"Something Old represents continuity with the bride's family and past. The Duchess' feather headdress was embellished with Swavorski crystal "diamonds". Daniel Swavorski invented his "crystal" diamond at about the same time Camilla's great-grandmother, Mrs. Keppel, became the boudoir belle of Edward VII. Before inventing the crystal diamond, Mr. Swavorski was a glass cutter for a prominent chandelier company. His diamonds are cut with the same light refracting technique that a glass chandelier is.

"The ability to please your man while hanging from a dazzling glass chandelier in a friend's country home is standard Mistress 101. Since not only was the bride a notorious Royal mistress but her great-grandmother was as well, it was a nice and clever touch to incorporate this noted family history into the headdress the Duchess wore to their church blessing."

Mrs. P

The Maximum Leader said...

Mrs P,

Are you suggesting that a crystal chandelier hanging from the naughty bits is sexy? I'm not sure I can buy that. As I said, perhaps there is some "embellishment" that might be "sexy" but crystals are a bit much...

Anonymous said...

No, I am suggesting that for more than 100 years men have found naughty bits hanging from a crystal chandelier sexy.

Ms. Love Hewitt is a confused woman. She doesn't go in for hanging crystals. She uses glue. And she did this to mke herself feel better after a breakup. This phase of life must be her crystal palace period...


Mrs. P

The Maximum Leader said...

I could handle naughty bits hanging from a chandelier. That could be sorta interesting and kinky. Glue and crystals would seem to... chafe...

 
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