I think I've mentioned this before, but I'll wade into the waters again.
Today, I noticed a sign on the microwave in the break room here at Room 101. I don't often go to the break room, so it may have been up for some time. Anyway, the sign read that the cleaning gnome had quit and people were now on their own. This happens in almost every office, and I always find these types of messages funny. Mostly because of what they say about the person who posts them.
Presumably, the cleaning gnome is a very cleanly person. In fact, for the cleaning gnome to clean up the common area so often is proof that they value cleanliness more than the average person. I think this merits additional explanation.
Every person has a level of messiness that they can endure. Some are higher than others. The cleaning gnome probably had a very low tolerance, which is why they felt compelled to clean the microwave in the first place. The cleaning gnome probably had a lower tolerance than everybody else in the office, which again was why they felt compelled to clean it before everybody else.
So, what's are the effects of the cleaning gnome's refusal to clean? The person with the second lowest tolerance will probably end up cleaning the microwave. So, the second lowest tolerance person will have to do the work, and the cleaning gnome will be upset because the microwave will be messier than they prefer, and most everybody else will go along on their merry way.
What I find funny about this is that the cleaning gnome felt they were doing the rest of the office a favor, but in point of fact the gnome was and was not. The rest of the office didn't really give a crap because the microwave never exceeded their messiness tolerance, but it never reached that point only because the gnome kept cleaning it. This is pretty obvious.
What I find interesting is the thought process that goes into the posting of notes like this. The cleaning gnome, sick of being the only one who cleans, goes on strike and makes a point of doing so because they resent the rest of the office for not appreciating what they do and chipping in. Why do they have to clean the microwave for everybody else when the other people are making messes too? And that's the thing to other people they aren't messes. Or at least they haven't reached the level of messiness that bothers them. The cleaning gnome assumes that because they see a mess and are bothered by it that everybody else sees the mess and is bothered by it too. The cleaning gnome then believes that everybody else is lazy because the others aren't cleaning. When really the rest of the people never think about it because the microwave never reaches the point where they are bothered by the mess.
What I've found happens in offices is that somebody is borderline OCD, they start cleaning the microwave because the feel compelled. Then after a few months or years, they get pissed because they think everybody else is lazy. Write a nasty note. Then, after the tactic is a failure, and it is inevitably bound to fail because nobody besides the OCD person is as bothered by the mess, they go back to cleaning the microwave.
While I find this dynamic funny in the office because I never use the microwave or fridge there, it does cause some tension at home. You see, your humble host has a very high mess tolerance. Mrs. FLG, like most of the human population, has a lower tolerance. This causes a problem. The solution, and I think Mrs. FLG has reluctantly accepted it, is to tell me when she wants something cleaned. Tell me to clean the bathroom and I do. I just never think to do it because it doesn't often reach a level of messiness that bothers me. I realize that my messiness bothers her, and I do try to make note of it, but it is hard for me.
Well, I think this dynamic applies to many couples. Almost all men have a higher mess tolerance than women. So, when a woman sees a mess she thinks that the man is just lazy and expects her to clean it. But that is not exactly the case. You see, women see a mess and think "there's a mess and it bothers me." Ah, but that level of messiness is not even obvious to a man. Where you see a mess he does not. Now, women, I know what you are thinking. I'm looking at the mess. It's irrefutable. I can see it with my own eyes. But I assure you he doesn't see it that way. So, the whole I-shouldn't-have-to-tell-you-to-clean-up-because-I'm-not-your-mother tactic is just going to cause trouble for both of you. Just ask him to clean whatever it is you want cleaned.
There are usually two responses to this:
- The aforementioned I'm not his mother complaint.
- Then he says or I feel like I'm a nag.
I think I've explained the I'm not his mother thing. And now onto the nag...
The primary friction exists because you have a lower mess tolerance than he does. When you expect everything be as clean as your tolerance demands it may seem like nagging. You are viewing the world through your eyes, and then trying to impose your preferences onto him and then getting upset when he doesn't have the same preferences. So, the best way, I think, to cope with this is to try to relax your preferences a bit. Realize that what you see as dirty, disorganized, or unsightly probably doesn't in fact bother him as much as it bothers you. Therefore, if you want him to clean you may have to ask him. If you ask him to keep the house as clean as
you want, then he may feel like you are nagging. If that's a concern, then you either have to relax your standards, ie try to increase your messiness tolerance, or realize that you get more value out of cleaning than he does and resign yourself to doing more of the cleaning.
That said, I love you sweetie and I'm trying to be better.