Monday, October 12, 2009

Scene From A Bookstore

FLG went to the local Borders this evening. He was looking for a specific book, which wasn't in stock. FLG was, however, rendered temporarily insane.

First, he arrives at the philosophy section. There were ten times as many Nietzsche and Foucault books as any other author. In fact, each had an entire row to himself. FLG wondered if this was because the local population is obsessed with the uses and nature of power. Of course they are, he thought to himself, this is the DC area. He was reassured by the large numbers of those authors' books on the shelf because that means that people aren't actually reading them.

Unfortunately, the rest of the shelves were filled with bullshit philosophy books entitled along a formula of Pop Culture Something and Philosophy. Notable titles include, The Legend of Zelda and Philosophy, Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy, Star Trek and Philosophy: The Wrath of Kant, and Final Fantasy and Philosophy: The Ultimate Walkthrough.

As if this weren't enough to send FLG completely over the edge, a guy walks up and starts rearranging the books in the philosophy section. It wouldn't have been odd, if the guy worked at Borders. But, oh, no. He was just some middle age freak with a serious obsessive compulsive disorder. To make matters worse, he kept coughing. The recently coughed in and presumably germ covered hands continually returned to the shelves. FLG fled to the classical studies section before he completely lost it on the guy.

FLG spent a few minutes perusing the classics before the same fucking guy walks up and start rearranging the books. Again, this wouldn't be terribly odd, if the section were adjacent to the philosophy section or even on the same fucking floor, but it's not. FLG grabs his book and retreated to the medieval section. He is idly pondering which edition of The Prince to buy, he gave away the $3 copy he had previously, when, you guessed it, the fucking weirdo walks up coughing and straightening books.

FLG sat there weighing his options for about 30 seconds. Proposed plans:
  1. Follow behind him, coughing loudly, and unarranging the books he had just arranged.
  2. Yell "What the fuck?!"
  3. Stare at him until he stopped.
  4. Sucker punch him.
  5. Mumble in tongues to scare him away.
In the end, FLG quietly gathered his books, paid, and seethed.

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