FLG Wades In Again

A while back I had a long debate over several posts with Cheryl about grey area rape. Two recent posts, one by Flavia and one by Dance, made me think about the topic at some length again. Plus, I have the added concerns of being father to a baby girl. Upon reading the previous debate again, I would've said some things differently. Nevertheless, I still generally agree with what I wrote.

There are the unambiguous cases of she said no, and it's rape. There are the equally unambiguous cases of taking advantage of a woman who is passed out or stumbling around drunk. Yet, it becomes more ambiguous when we are talking about tipsy versus drunk. It's not like people keep breathalyzers around to determine whether potential sexual partners are beyond the legal limit.

Lots of people respond to this comment by saying that it is illegal to have sex with somebody who is drunk because they are unable to consent. True, but how is somebody to determine exactly when somebody else is drunk without a breathalyzer? In practice people rely upon their best guess. Slurring, stumbling, etc. The biggest fear of men with this is that a woman who is tipsy wakes up the next morning thinking that she wouldn't have had sex with that person if she were sober, and then deems that sex rape. (Obviously, the fear of rape itself is the bigger concern, and I'll get to that later.) The prudent choice, under those circumstances, is never having sex with somebody who has had a drink. That's also not very likely.

The drinking thing is more important than most people mention when talking about rape. I seriously doubt most rapes occur along the lines of a sober man grabs and rapes a sober woman who is unknown to him. No, I believe most of these crimes occur between two people who know each other -- acquaintances or dates -- when one or, more likely, both parties have been drinking.

On this point, I'd like to address something that Flavia wrote that bothered me:

It's exhausting to have to keep one's cool when someone suggests that "girls just need to be more careful" or "one claim of rape, and a guy's life is ruined forever."

On the first point, about girls needing to be more careful, I understand the objection. It sounds too much like blaming the victim. That might be true in some cases, but it too easily dismisses an important aspect of this whole thing.

If I'm mugged while walking around drunk at night in Southeast DC, then people will rightly say that it was a dumb idea to walk around drunk at night in SE. That, however, doesn't mean that I deserved to be mugged. It simply wasn't prudent, and others should learn from my imprudence.

I think something similar applies to some rape cases. It's not prudent for a girl to go to a boy's dorm room after she and he have been drinking. Doesn't mean she was asking for it or that he shouldn't have known better or had it coming or anything like that. It just wasn't prudent. To the extent that reminding females that drinking has larger consequences for them than males is helpful in preventing future incidents of rape, we should, early and often. It's unfair and it ought not be that way, but it is and we must deal with what is.

On the other side of the equation, we need to talk to boys. We need to tell them that they have a responsibility to determine intent. That what seems completely obvious and clear in the antiseptic discussion during a new student orientation may be less clear to them when they are in their room half-naked and drunk with a girl in the same state. We need to pound into their head that they have a responsibility to act even more ethically, morally, and politely when they or their partner have been drinking.

Likewise, we should tell all college students that they need to look out for each other. That friends should ask their female friends if she is really sure they want to go back to the guy's dorm room. Remind her she's been drinking. Alternatively, friends should remind the guy that the have a responsibility not to take advantage of girls and that he should ask her if she's okay with what they're doing.

Not that this applies only to college students, but you see what I'm getting at.

With that understood, the website quotation that Dance found is simply nauseating:

Protecting clients from the assumption of guilt
…They[the public] often assume the alleged “rapist” knew what he or she was doing and do not take into consideration outside influences, like drugs or alcohol or even consent.

Horrible bullshit that right there.

Now, to get to Flavia's second point, this did bother me:

I had a student come into my office once with a topic proposal for a paper along the lines suggested above: that it wasn't fair that a girl could just call anything rape, when there was no proof, and guys had no defense.

I didn't really know the kid, who'd been a silent and seemingly sullen presence in the classroom. I knew that he was a baseball player, and not unhandsome, and I wanted to punch him in the face. But I gathered all my energy together to work with him: what he was really saying was that rape is a terrible thing, right? And it's such a terrible thing that we have to be careful to use the term precisely, because otherwise it could lead to our taking rape less seriously. Right?

He didn't say much of anything, and after struggling for several more minutes I finally said, in my brightest tone, "You see? The problem is that if you're not careful, you're going to sound like an asshole."

I think this is kinda like the issues with racism versus anti-racism. Racism is the bigger problem, but anti-racism has a point as well. It's not simply that rape is a terrible thing, but also that the accusation of being a rapist has tremendous power because it is so terrible. It's not just that we use the term precisely, but that there is potential for people to lie about it to use that power. There have numerous cases when women, for a variety of reasons, falsely accused rape. It's entirely possible that these cases are statistical anomalies, but they exist.

Now, the emotional and financial toll of defending a false rape allegation, I'd imagine, is far less than the emotional and physical toll of recovering from rape, but it ain't a picnic either. To dismiss concerns about false rape allegations out-of-hand is to dismiss that toll as irrelevant. This brings me to my last point.

Flavia, whose blog I quite enjoy, really upset me here:

The problem is that if you're not careful, you're going to sound like an asshole.

What does she mean by this? It's not that his argument is without validity. Clearly, there is some truth to the statement that men accused of rape are put in an awkward position and don't have much defense because of the heinous and personal nature of the crime. So, this isn't an argument against the merits of that argument, really. In fact, if being an asshole discredited an argument, then a whole range of academic disciplines would poorer for it. No. What I see here, in my most cynical and sarcastic reading, is:

The problem is that if you're not careful, you're not going to pay sufficient attention to women's emotional sensitivity on this issue. Do you want to make girls cry?

I'm going to give Flavia the benefit of the doubt and presume she didn't mean that exactly, especially not the part about crying. She probably just meant for him to be more sensitive and circumspect in his argument. I agree. I'm not one of those people in favor of offending people just for pleasure of it, but this deference to female sensitivity on the issue of rape can also, if taken too far, be used as a means of silencing male voices on this topic. (I can see the turnabout is fair play argument from feminists, but anyway...)

Flavia continues in the comments:

I know I'm inclined--almost to the point of irrationality; to the point that I would probably ask to be excused from serving on the jury of a rape case, because I'm not sure I could render a fair verdict--to take the woman's side in such situations, but I really don't think most men know or think about these things AT ALL.

I don't think that last point is entirely true. We all see the world through our own eyes. Most men, for example, don't think too much about walking to their car in a poorly lit parking lot late at night, when I can only assume most women do. So, to some extent there is a perception difference on these issues. Alternatively, perhaps Flavia, as a female, is failing to give due credence to the concerns of men regarding the ramifications of false rape allegations.

Just to repeat, I grant that rape is a bigger problem than false rape allegations. The issue is that too many people concerned with combating rape, like Flavia, ignore concerns about false rape allegations too blithely.

One article in the Washington City Paper that attempts to address the issue quickly gets lost in feminist theory with its twisted logic and then goes completely off point:

On one side are people who are concerned about the problem of rape. On the other, people who are concerned about the problem of false rape accusations. It shouldn’t have to be that way.

I can’t recall how many times I’ve seen a discussion of a rape accusation devolve into the one side arguing why the accuser should be believed, and the other side arguing that the accuser should be discredited. Another common point of argument I find frustrating—what percentage of rape claims are genuine, and what percentage are false? Most of the time, we, armchair rape analysts, launch into these arguments before we have any actual idea whether a particular person has raped another person. In most cases, we will never know. What we do know, all the time, is that rape is a problem, and false rape accusations are a problem. The meaningless squabbles between the two camps tend to overlook the fact that people concerned about rape and people concerned about fake rape accusations are both fighting against the same thing: rape culture.

Rape culture does not just encourage men to proceed after she says “no.” Rape culture does not simply teach men that a lack of physical resistance is an invitation. Rape culture does not only tell men to assert ownership over whichever female body they desire. Rape culture also tells women not to claim ownership over their own bodies. Rape culture also informs women that they should not desire sex. Rape culture also tells women that saying yes makes them bad women.

So, debates about whether a rape actually occurred are "meaningless squabbles" because "in most cases, we can never know." Even discussing these things excuses rape and by some twisted logic encourages men to think of women's bodies as property. (This is a bit off-topic, but I can't believe that people argue these things with a straight face. It's some sort of bastardized Marxist theory. Then again, perhaps I haven't been sufficiently indoctrinated into the correct mode of thinking.) The point here is that the article doesn't in fact address the issue of false rape allegations in any serious way.

There's another post, this one by Paul Gowder entitled "Against sexist male paranoia about false rape accusations (or: rape is a much bigger problem than false rape allegations, kthxbye)," that makes some more sense to me, but I ultimately find lacking:

Well, first, let’s remove a couple of red herrings. The issue isn’t whether false rape accusations exist (sure they do) or even their prevalence (hotly disputed, with estimates ranging everywhere from 2% to 40%).

The issue is more “why is rape special?” That is, why are these guys more afraid of false accusations of rape than false accusations of any other crime?

He then answers:

I’d like to suggest several causes for this disparity:

1) Salience bias: there have been some high-profile cases of false rape accusations where the accused got railroaded recently, most prominently the Duke lacrosse players case. (Edit: you want a salient case on the other side? How about the teenage rape victim who was forced to wave around the g-string she was wearing on the day in court and killed herself thereafter?)

2) Threatened male privilege. The false rape accusation is a tool of injustice that, pretty much uniquely, is something that is primarily available to women against men. Men aren’t used to having to worry about the possibility that women might have some way to screw them over, so this possibility generates lots of extra shock and horror. By contrast, men have lots of ways to screw women over, so it’s not so shocking to hear about particular instantiations of this power.

I agree with the first point. High profile media coverage unduly affects the perceptions of people. Remember when everybody was afraid of shark attacks a few years ago?

The second point I find less compelling. Despite a history of overt male dominance, women have always had covert ways to screw men over. Women are clever creatures. But it's not just about being screwed over. It's a horrible way to be screwed over. It tarnishes your very reputation because everybody deems it so awful a crime.

His advice?

just get off it.

The problem here is that even if rape is a bigger problem than any false rape allegation, the latter undermines the former in a kind of crying wolf manner. Those concerned about rape should be the first in line to decry and denounce false rape allegations, not dismiss them as meaningless squabbles or irrational fears unworthy of further investigation. Injustice doesn't justify further injustice.

He continues:

Also, if you’re genuinely worried about false rape accusations then you’re fucking the wrong women. I’ve never worried about a false rape accusation because I’ve never had sex with a woman quite that evil or insane.

Hey guys, falsely accused of rape? You chose the wrong woman. Of course, you had it comin'.

I'll repeat one more time that rape is a bigger problem than false rape allegations, but false allegations are a problem for combating rape. The typical responses seem to be either to ignore the problem under the assumption that it distracts from the bigger problem. Or worse under the assumption that it undermines the bigger problem. Any attention brought to false rape allegations brings all rape allegations into question or discourages victims from coming forward, so let's quietly sweep away those false ones. I believe the failure to confront false allegations is what undermines all rape allegations. There may be some validity to the logic that scrutiny on rape allegations may discourage women from coming forward in some cases given the personal nature of the crime, but I don't know that this is anything more than marginal in the scheme of things. It's a personal crime by nature. Denouncing false allegations shouldn't discourage victims with true allegations. But perhaps that's where perception difference is coming in...

Perhaps as a man the failure of the individuals and organizations primarily concerned with fighting rape and sexual violence to adequately acknowledge, let alone address or confront, the problem of false rape allegations leads me to question their motives and judgment. Whereas perhaps a female might view the situation oppositely. The personal nature of the crime and the historical skepticism of the credibility of women's accounts means that we need to encourage women to come forward as much as possible to the point of allowing a potential, but lesser injustice to flourish.

To that end, I will try to consider the alternate view as much as I can. However, I'd also ask those in favor of dismissing or downplaying the problem of false rape allegations to consider two things: 1) the extent to which doing so undermines your credibility on the issue of rape and 2) perhaps the efforts to encourage women to come forward and more broadly the efforts of feminism generally have ameliorated the condition of women such that they feel more comfortable coming forward than they did in the past.