Monday, January 19, 2009
If you are anything like FLG...
then you constantly sit around asking yourself how could pirates be any cooler? And the answer, until now, has been that they can't. However, he now knows that vampire pirates, or vampirates, is the answer to that question.
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3 comments:
OK, I am actually tempted to get this on my Kindle. Making it uber-cool.
Totally agree with you on this one!
I have enjoyed this blog for so long now that I can’t really recall what it might have been like to start a day without catching up with FLG. But I can recall my own youth and how excited I was when I first discovered “Treasure Island” and realized that the whole adventure began in Savannah Georgia; practically my back yard. I, like all young boys, was keenly interested in Pirates and it’s the sort of thing that doesn’t die easily. There will always be a few spare axons and dendrites that tingle and quiver in the cortex of every man that make him say, occasionally, weird things like, “Shiver me timbers,” “Land ho!” or even “Hoist high the Jolly Roger.” And these seeming anachronisms are fine and most people just shake their heads and know that another lost soul still longs for the days when filthy, drunken men managed to live by their Own Rules and society, as a whole, was better able to understand that a certain amount of rapine was just something that had to be dealt with.
But now…this. I really must protest. I’ve grown exceedingly tired of how hip vampires have become. This genre has been done to death, or better yet, done to undeath. Vampires, as far as subject matter for films, books, television, comics, stage plays, clay-mation or anime goes, are Done. I’ve had more than enough of them. There’s no need to incorporate them into the Fine and Noble history of Piracy. How many times can we re-tell this story? How many new avenues can we explore? How many times can the Magical Glitter Machine try to ride the coat tails of one success story by tacking another one to them?
I can see it now…some executive in his office, thinking to himself…”Well, all the rubes seemed to love ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ and they eat up these damn idiotic, juvenile vampire pictures (read as: Twilight) so…if we just combined the two…we’d really clean up!”
Sure. And, of course, the Rubes will come running. But you can see how it’s just a short cut to an imagined success that has nothing to do with creativity or originality. There is so much rich and fecund ground in the Actual History of piracy that any number of fine novels or films could be produced about them without having to resort to this kind of cheap chicanery.
Vampires stopped being cool when Anne Rice hit the scene and they are even less cool now that every hack in Hollywood has taken a swipe at them. Pirates are easily cooler because: A: They’re Real. B: They drink Rum. And C: They drink rum.
To Hell with vampires.
Stay Pure and True FLG. Find a Code and live by it. Pirates can stand on their own legs, or possibly one of their own legs and a wooden peg. But you can bet you ass that you won’t catch any of them ever refusing wine or wearing some faggoty-ass, silk cape.
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