Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

There is a knock at the door. Annoying Roommate (AR) goes to answer it while Cool Roommate (CR), Mr. Bright Idea, and FLG sit on the couch.

AR: Hello officer. How may I help you?

Officer #1: The neighbors heard an explosion come from your apartment. Can we come in?

AR timidly: Sure.

AR shows Officer #1 and Officer #2 into the living room.

Officer #1: All you boys live here?

Mr. Bright Idea: Not me. In fact, I was just leaving.

Officer #1: Have a seat there fella. The neighbors called about an explosion. You boys been shooting a shotgun of the balcony? You do know it's illegal to discharge a firearm of a balcony?

CR: We didn't know for sure, but we figured as much.

Officer #1: Do any of you own a shotgun?

CR: No, we lease with an option to buy.

Officer #1 begins to say something then pauses.

Officer #1: Why do you have an old stainless steel fridge with a tap protruding from the center of the door in the middle of your living room?

FLG: To keep the keg of beer cold and in a convenient location.

Officer #1 looks at the fridge, then the couch, then the fridge, then the couch.

Officer #1: Are you boys twenty-one?

FLG: You mean altogether or individually?

Officer #2 from out on the balcony: Hey, Wilkes. Come look at this.

FLG follows Officer #1 out to the balcony. Officer #2 is holding up a piece of plastic debris. He hands it to Officer #1.

Officer #1: Start talking...

FLG: Well, you see, Mr. Bright Idea thought it would be cool to place a piece of dry ice into a Pepsi bottle and close the lid. Once the pressure started building up none of us wanted to get close enough to open the top. Finally, we all ran for cover.

Officer #1: Can I open this?

Officer #1 points to an object, which is wrapped in foil and on a table.

FLG: You may open it.

Officer #1: How's that?

FLG: May, not can.

Officer #1: What's in this? You boys chasin' the dragon?

FLG: Good God. No. That's shisha. Apple flavored in fact. The hookah is in the closet.

Officer #1 takes a big sniff, then nods.

Officer #1: You smoke pot in that hookah?

FLG: Never.

Officer #1 appears satisfied and walks back inside. AR is running interference at the top of the stairs with Officer #2 in an attempt to keep him from discovering AR's marijuana plants in the storage room.

Officer #1: How does the tap in the fridge work?

CR: It's quite simple actually....

CR begins explaining how it works. Meanwhile upstairs...

AR loudly: No. We don't have any firearms in the house.

Officer #1: Betts, come down here. These kids down have any guns.

Officer #2 and AR join everybody else downstairs.

Officer #1: I am willing to overlook the possession of large amounts of alcohol by you guys, under one condition. Mr. Bright Idea disposes of the rest of his dry ice in the sink.

Officer #2: You sure?

Officer #1: Yes. I can't bust them in good conscience when they have spent so much time creating a top notch keg-o-rater. Do we have a deal?

AR, CR, Mr. Bright Idea, and FLG all nod their heads emphatically.

Yes. Absolutely. Done and done.

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