A Conversation

India just launched its first moon mission. A manned mission is still years off, but Fear and Loathing in Georgetown, soothsayer extraordinaire, knows exactly what is going to happen.

Astronaut: Hello. Tech Support?

Support Tech: Hello, Indian Moon Rocket technical support. This is Raj, uh, I mean Roger. How may I be assisting you today?

Astronaut: There is a problem with our moon rocket.

Support Tech: Okay. May I have your name please?

Astronaut: Buzz.

Support Tech: Okay, Buzz. What moon are you trying to reach?

Astronaut: What moon? The Moon.

Support Tech: I see. Typing sounds. I will be needing the serial number of the rocket.

Astronaut: Where's that located?

Support Tech: It should be on the box the rocket arrived in.

Astronaut: It didn't come in a box.

Support Tech: Let me check something. Please hold.

Hold music.

Operator: Hello. Mr. Buzz?

Astronaut: Yes?

Support Tech: Have you found the box?

Astronaut: I told you. It didn't come in a box.

Support Tech: In that case, the serial number is etched onto the rocket.

Astronaut: Great. Where? I don't see it on the control panel.

Support Tech: You will need to look on the outside of the rocket by the engine.

Astronaut: You're kidding, right?

Support Tech: Please check the outside of the rocket by the engine.

Astronaut: We are in space, and the engine is on.

Support Tech: Are you unable to find the serial number?

Astronaut: No, we are unable to find the serial number.

Support Tech: Please keep looking.

Muffled in the background, the two astronauts have a conversation.

Astronaut: He wants me to find the serial number.

Astronaut #2: Where is it?

Astronaut: Outside, by the engine.

Astronaut #2: Is he nuts? Tell him you can't find it.

Astronaut: He says keep looking.

Astronaut #2: Tell him it's scratched off.

Astronaut: Good idea.

Astronaut picks up the phone.

Astronaut: Roger?

Support Tech: Did you find the serial number?

Astronaut: Yes, but it's scratched off.

Support Tech: Oh, no. Read me what you can.

Astronaut: Okay. Um. TK421.

Support Tech: ZV421?

Astronaut: Yeah, ZV421.

Support Tech: That doesn't match any known records. Do you have a support contract number?

Astronaut: No, I don't.

Support Tech: One moment.

Hold music.

Support Tech: What version of rocket are you using?

Astronaut: I don't know. Listen, we are having trouble with the lithium hydroxide air scrubbers.

Support Tech: Have you tried rebooting?

Astronaut: Rebooting the scrubbers?

Support Tech: No, the rocket.

Astronaut: I don't want to reboot the rocket while I'm in it.

Support Tech: Okay. Do you see the green button at the top right corner of your screen?

Astronaut: Yes.

Support Tech: Click that button.

Astronaut: What is that going to do?

Support Tech: It will be rebooting your rocket.

Astronaut: I just told you. I don't want to be rebooting my rocket. I want to fix the scrubbers.

Support Tech: Hold please.

Hold music.

Support Tech: Thank you for holding. Do you see the two blinking red buttons in the center of the control panel?

Astronaut: Yes?

Support Tech: Please press both of them for five seconds.

Astronaut: Is this going to reboot the rocket?

Support Tech: No.

Astronaut: Are you sure?

Support Tech: Absolutely.

Astronaut: Okay. One...Two..Three...Four...Five.

Loud bang.

Astronaut: What the heck was that?

Astronaut #2 in the background: You just ejected the air scrubbers into space!

Support Tech: You will be needing to remove the scrubbers from the external panel on the bottom quadrant of the rocket. Also, may I please have your postal code?

Astronaut yelling: Why do you want my postal code?

Support Tech: Your replacement lithium hydroxide scrubbers will arrive in 5-7 business days.