New York City, 71st and Broadway.
FLG meets his crazy friend (CF) who is sitting on a bench in the midst of a heated discussion with a homeless man.
CF: You got my message.
FLG: I’m here aren’t I? I’m glad I found you. You left my house five days ago screaming that you were riding your bike to Florida.
CF: Plans change.
FLG: It was pouring when you left.
CF: I was wearing a slicker.
FLG: It was the middle of the night.
CF: It’s a yellow slicker.
FLG: Your parents are worried sick. And what was that on my answering machine about trading your mountain bike for a sandwich?
CF pats his mountain bike, which is next to him.
CF: The guy was a cheat, but thanks for reminding me. Al and I…CF gestures to the homeless guy sitting next to him…were just discussing that. Hopefully, you can put the issue to rest. Let me set the scene for you. I’m in the Bronx and hungry.
FLG: Where in the Bronx?
CF: By the White Castle.
FLG: You were in the South Bronx, a white boy, on a bike? You’re lucky you survived.
CF: I’m trying to tell a fucking story here!
CF: So, I’m in the Bronx and I’m hungry. Some guy comes up to me and says, “Hey, I’ll trade you a sandwich for your bike.” Now, at the time, a sandwich sounded pretty damn good, and I was like hell ya. Then we start walking to a sandwich place that the guy knows. He says it’s only a few blocks away, and much to my surprise we end up at the White Castle. The guy wanted to trade my bike for a White Castle hamburger. I was livid. I would have traded my bike for a quality Italian sub, but a White Castle hamburger? That’s not even a snack.
Al, the homeless guy: It is meat that you hold with bread.
CF: Right, so Al here thinks a hamburger is a sandwich because it’s meat that you hold with bread. I contend that hamburgers are not sandwiches, but a special category. I want you to settle this.
FLG: Wait a sec. You were gonna trade your expensive mountain bike for a White Castle hamburger?
CF: Are you even listening? Of course I wouldn’t trade it for a White Castle burger.
FLG: My bad. For an Italian sub.
CF: Well, an Italian sub, that’s a completely different story.
FLG: Have you eaten anything recently?
CF: I had some ketchup packets.
FLG: Let’s go get you some food.
CF: Good idea.
CF grabs his backpack and bike.
FLG: Where’s your slicker?
CF: I traded it.
FLG: For what?
CF: A White Castle hamburger.
FLG: So you did have something to eat?
CF: I thought you meant recently.
AL yelling: Wait! You never said if a hamburger is a sandwich.